No Maps for These Territories

Every year in San Francisco, a bunch of really crazy bastards go up for Bay to Breakers, which is theoretically a race, but more like an excuse for thousands of people to dress up like it’s Halloween, and drink a lot.

I’ve never gone before because I have to wake up at 5am in order to get up there in time, but I figured that I’d man up this year and go for it.

Our crew went dressed as Wizards, which involves a robe of some sort, a wizard hat, and a wizard’s staff.  You have to earn your staff by drinking beers, and duct taping them to the bottom of your next beer.  Each new beer is “leveling up”, because we’re a bunch of huge nerds.

This is the view at Caltrain at 6:30am.  A bunch of college kids, already drunk and dressed up.

I’m level 1!  And it’s not even 7am yet!

The caltrain station again.  Lots and lots of neon and buttcheeks.

Oompa loompas!

Yuzo and Nina, as Yuzo beards up.

The race hasn’t started, and the wizards are already level 4.

I’m trying my best to catch up.  Look at those sexy wizards.

The construction workers don’t quite know what to think of us.

That’s not where the beard goes!

Colored hair and leopard prints abound.

Green man!  I was so happy to see a Sunny in Philadelphia fan.  Best show ever.

Oh yeah, and lots of people just go straight up naked.

This dude was a hero.  Walking all by himself with a shopping bag, in his tidy whities.

Is that the Death Star?  I can’t tell.

Grover!

Leveling up continues.

The lifeguard party float.

Wizards stop for a bathroom break at someone’s house.  I’m not sure whose.  They didn’t seem to mind TOO much.

I think this dude stole those girls’ slip.

Yuzo reaches level five!  Ding!

The tiki bar float was popular.

Look at all those PEOPLE.  It stretches as far as the eye can see.

Range in a mumu.  They should have sent a poet.

Level…. uhh… not sure.

The camera cannot contain our staffs!

Awww, man hug.

The wizards cast magical spells of plant watering.

She’s ready for the flood with her floaties.

Awesome robot costumes.

It’s hard to see, but these guys were dressed as Mario Kart characters, and they even had their own karts!  One of my favorite costumes of the day.

British cops?

Oh, hello, angels.  I like your outfits.

Now this cracked me up.  Impromptu PORT A POTTY PARTY!  Aww yeah!

I love that people were using the port a potties while people danced above them.

I may have forgotten to apply quite enough sunscreen to my arms.  Whoops.

All in all, that was a hell of a party.  I’m definitely going back next year.  You should join us, we could always use more wizards.