what lawyers have done to this country

I just bought a small fountain for my desk at work. Because I'm a nerd, I started leafing through the six page manual that came with it.

Before lawyers got their hands on people, you wouldn't need an instruction manual with a fountain. Almost the entire booklet is covering their ass from some of the most stupid concerns I've ever seen.

Here are some excerpts from the booklet:

"Do not reach for an appliance that has fallen into water. Unplug it immediately."

"Do not pump flammable liquids through the water pump"

(I'd love to see the lawsuit that caused that clause!)

"Close supervision is necessary when this appliance is used by or near children, invalids, or disabled persons."

(Yeah, I think Christopher Reeve was actually killed by a small tabletop fountain)

"Never drop or insert any object into any opening unless otherwise instructed in this instruction manual."

"Do not operate where oxygen is being administered."

(What?)

"If you have any concerns regarding your health, consult your doctor before using this product."

WHAT? It's a goddamn table top fountain! It's like three inches high and spits a tiny bit of water into a pool.

What are you going to ask your doctor? Will the sound of flowing water possibly hurt me, doctor? Can I sue them if it does? Oh dammit, they covered that in their manual! Curses! My devious plot is spoiled!