jesus will put money in your pocket
Staying up way too late drinking will show you some very strange things.
Tonight, I've witnessed a new get rich scheme that I've never seen before, and never imagined that anyone would buy into.
A pyramid scheme where the peak leads straight to God. I'm watching a white man named Robert Tilton on BET, screaming that you can get rich quick by giving money to God.
Normally, these guys call upon your faith, or your charity, or your pity. This guy is saying that once you give money to him, God will reward you with riches. They're showing stories that make absolutely no sense. A woman who called in and gave him money suddenly had more money to save in her bank account.
"Did you get a raise?"
"No, I was just able to save more money. I earned the same amount, but there was more money left at the end of the month."
"Don't you know that's impossible?"
"No, it's the power of Jesus."
"Praise the lord!"
The claims he's making are astounding. If you give money to Robert Tilton, God will help you find a better job, pick the right investments, win the lottery, you name it.
He's actually calling out people specifically. "I see a woman who is having problems with her marriage and is afraid to leave her man, because she can't support herself. God is calling you right now to give us a thousand dollars, and God will provide for you when you leave your man!"
Not only is he trying to sell the get rich quick line, but he's also claiming to be a mystic, completely in touch with God's predictive pipeline. He can see the future, you filthy savages! Reach into your pocket! It's a no lose investment!
My favorite part is after each story, he looks deep into the camera and says "How can anyone doubt the facts of faith? This man's story PROVES that God is there to provide you with wealth and rewards for your faith!"
The facts of faith. You heard me right. It's been proven that something that is DEFINED as a belief that doesn't rest on logical proof or material evidence is a stone cold fact.
Good god, people are stupid.
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